Q: What do you call a cow with no legs at all?
A: Ground beef

Q: What is a cow’s favorite lunch meat?
A: Bullogna

Q: What do cows get when they are sick?
A: Hay Fever

Q: What do you call a cow on the barnyard floor?
A: Ground Beef

Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?
A: A bull-dozer.

Q: What are the spots on black-and-white cows?
A: Holstaines

Q: Why does a milking stool have only three legs?
A: Because the cow has the udder.

Q: Why do cows wear bells?
A: Their horns don’t work.

Q: What do you call a cow who just recently had
its baby?
A: Decalfinated

There was a herd of cattle all standing on a hill when an earthquake struck. All of the cows fell down, but the bull remained standing. The farmer noticing this went out and asked the bull, “Why didn’t you fall down like the rest of the herd. The bull replied, “We bulls wobble, but we don’t fall down.”

A city man was tooling down a country road when his car sputtered to a complete stop near a field filled with cows. The driver, getting out to see what was the matter, noticed one of the cows looking at him. “I believe it’s your radiator,” said the cow. The man nearly jumped right out of his city slicker britches! He ran to the nearest farmhouse and knocked on the door. “A cow just gave me advice about my car!” he shouted, waving his arms franticly back toward the field. The farmer nonchalantly leaned out beyond the door frame to glance down the field. “The cow with two big black spots on it?” the farmer asked slowly. “Yes! Yes! That’s the one!” the excited man replied. “Oh. Well, that’s Ethel,” the farmer said, turning back to the man. “Don’t pay any attention to her. She doesn’t know a thing about cars.”

Q: Why don’t cows have any money?
A: Because the farmers milk them dry.

Q: What do you call a cow that doesn’t give milk?
A: An udder failure.

Q: What do cows do for entertainment?
A: They go to the mooooovies.

Q: How do you make a milkshake?
A: Give a cow a pogo stick.

Q: What band is a cow favorite?
A: Moody Blues

Q: What do you call a grumpy cow?
A: Moo-dy

Q: Where do cows go in the afterlife?
A: Moo Moo Land

Famous philosophy, done for cows:
Nietzsche: To moo is to be.
Sartre: To be is to moo.
Sinatra: Moo be moo be moo.

Q: Where do cows like to ride on trains?
A: In the cow-boose.

Q: What do cows get when they do all their chores?
A: Mooney.

Q: What did one dairy cow say to another?
A: Got milk?

Q: How to you know that cows will be in heaven?
A: It’s a place of udder delight.

Q: What do you call a cow that has 3 legs?
A: Lean beef

Q: What do you call a cow that has 2 legs?
A: Side of beef

Q: What do you call a cow that has 1 leg?
A: Steak

Q: What do you call a cow that has no legs?
A: Ground beef

A bum steer is a worthless bull.

Ground beef is a cow sitting down.

A stockholder is a corral for cattle.

Moscow doesn’t make as much milk as Pa’s cow.

Q: When is a farmer like a magician?
A: When he turns his cow into pasture.

Q: Why is a barn so noisy?
A: All the cows have horns.

Q: What did one cow say to the other?
A: Nothing silly, cow’s don’t talk.

Q: What do you call cattle with a sense of humor?
A: Laughing stock.

Q: Why can’t the bankrupt cowboy complain?
A: He’s got no beef.

Q: What animals do you bring to bed?
A: Your calves.

Q: What happened to the lost cattle?
A: Nobody’s herd.

Q: Where do cows like to live?
A: St. Moo-is, Moo-ssouri, and Moo Jersey.

Q: What did the cow wear to the football game?
A: A Jersey.

Q: Why can’t you shock cows?
A: They’ve herd it all.

A young man visits a Dude Ranch. He wanted to be “Macho”, and went out walking with one of the ranch hands. Walking through the barnyard, the dude started a conversation; “Say, look at that big bunch of cows.” The hired hand replied, “Not bunch, but herd”. “Heard what?” “Herd of cows”. “Sure, I’ve heard of cows, there’s a big bunch of ‘em right over there.”

Q: What goes oo ooo oooo?
A: A cow with no lips.

Q: What newspaper do cows read?
A: The Daily Moos.

Q: What is it when one cow spies on another cow?
A: A steak out.

The farmer had been taken so many times by the local car dealer that when the dealer wanted to buy a cow, the farmer priced it to him like this:
Basic cow, $200;
two-tone exterior, $45;
extra stomach $75;
product storage compartment, $60;
dispensing device, four spigots at $10 each, $40;
genuine cowhide upholstery, $125;
dual horns, $15;
automatic fly swatter, $35.
Total = $595.

Q: Where does a cow stop to drink?
A: The milky way!

Q: What does an invisible man drink?
A: Evaporated milk!

Q: Where do cows go for lunch?
A: The calf-eteria.

Q: Where do cows go on dates?
A: The moo-vies!

Q: What do you call a tired cow?
A: Milked out!